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A Season of Mustard Seeds

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It's mental health awareness month and seeing as I most recently left my job to take care of my mental health, I feel like I have somewhat of a responsibility to speak on my suffering and my healing during this time.  I've had chronic depression for 12 years, with the combination depression/anxiety for 9 of those 12 years. While I've had seasons of health, my idea of a healthy season can look a lot like someone else's mildly sad season. Over the last 2 years, I've been learning to accept that I will always have underlying depression because that's how my brain works. Even in my happy, thriving, no depressive symptoms, inward or outward, seasons it's always with me - so I've been working on making it a welcome friend instead of the guest who told you they were coming for the weekend but actually came to move in. I've been steadily working on this change with the help and support of my community.  Unfortunately, my time as a chaplain resident ...
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Autumn Acorns

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I am coming to life and dying at the same time. I fell asleep when the trees were pink and red — new and vibrant.  I wake up and the leaves are yellow and orange — seasoned and pure.  What happened while my eyes were closed? I am coming to life and dying at the same time. While my eyes were closed, my body, mind, and spirit were learning how to die. They weren’t dying, they were learning how to die. Now that I am awake, they are dying. I am ready to come to life, which also means I am ready to di e I am coming to life and dying at the same time. Moments ago I heard, “Let the acorn go,”  Words resonating deep within my spirit.  It shook me to my core. It shook me so fiercely; I am still recovering. In some ways, I am still shaken. I am coming to life and dying at the same time. It is Fall. The leaves have changed—they are changing still. The leaves are falling —falling to the ground. With the fall of the soft leaves...
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Jesus Weeps

This blog post is obviously a long time coming. I haven’t written since January. This blog has a very different tone than the hopeful 24 year old you all saw as I started this new year. My life was very different then. I have so much to include, but I obviously can’t include it all. This is a deep theological reflection based on where I am in life right now, so most of the detail life event things come in list form towards the end of the blog. A couple things: 1) I’m sorry I did not write about my spring semester. It was the best yet, the best few months of my life actually, and someday I will have the strength to revisit that joy, but I do not have the strength to tell you those stories right now. 2) It is difficult to admit to a time of being in a depressive episode so shortly after leaving a position of prominent leadership, but it is also important to do so because my depression will go with me wherever I end up pastoring and it does not diminish my call or the effectiveness o...
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