Along for the RIde

**It's a long one...** This blog is a long time coming. I finished CPE about 3 weeks ago, yet it feels like so much longer. After blasting myself with time at the hospital, 3 weeks without it is an eternity. I left a part of myself at Good Samaritan this summer. I shed old skin. I’ve spent a large part of my life assuming responsibility for myself and for the people around me. I’ve carried a weight that tells me I have not only the ability, but also the responsibility, to make the lives of the people around me better than when I entered. While this can be a generally good rule to follow, I somehow learned to take it to the extreme. For those of you who know me well, this is probably no surprise. I’ve never really been one to do things in a small fashion. There are many reasons I developed this sense of responsibility: Christian theology, my subconscious need to work out my own salvation, my personality, my family environment, and blatant lies that were spoken into...

Never again will I celebrate an Easter without thinking of my dad. The dad who: -used to sneak out on Monday nights with me to get ice cream and let me fall asleep on his chest as we watch football. -took me to the arcade to play air hockey. -quit his job to be closer to my brother and me. -went on my 3 rd grade field trip to the fair. -took me out to breakfast on Saturday mornings. The same dad who:             -checked out on me emotionally             -drove me to church with great reluctance and loud objections             -left me alone to deal with my emotions when my mom’s health got worse -expected that life in a family where one person had polio would not create challenges and extra responsibilities -thought he was being a good parent because he provided food and shelter for his kids ...

“I’d like to think that the Kingdom of God is for people like Vaunn.” –Aida My good friend Aida and I work together at The Rescue Mission of Trenton. This has been one of the best experiences during my time at seminary thus far. Some days it is challenging and rewarding; other days it is challenging and leaves me feeling empty and helpless as I return to my comfortable world at the seminary. The day we met Vaunn was all the above. On our way home from work, Aida and I often reflect on our time at The Rescue Mission. What kind of day was it? What did we learn about the people we met? The day we met Vaunn, Aida spoke words I will never forget: “I’d like to think that the Kingdom of God is for people like Vaunn.” We sat in silence for a bit letting the words hang in the air. It was like we’d both met Jesus that day. I distinctively remember stepping out into the tiny hallway to meet with Vaunn. I had four pieces of paper for her to sign. Because my paperwork takes the l...

As I sat crocheting tonight, listening to the worship playlist for tomorrow morning, my heart was heavy. Eight months ago I embarked on a journey to find my identity outside of my voice. I gave up singing for four months. I sang on Sundays during church, but that was it. I didn’t sing in my room, I didn’t go the chapel to sing by myself, and I certainly did not sing in public. This journey was painful. It was hard, at first, to not have anyone realize my background in music. Sure, I could name stats and present my resume, but the Choir of the West and eight years of voice training mean nothing if people don’t ever hear you actually sing. My heart and soul were in agony because a part of my life was dying, and it was dying by my choice. I desperately wanted people to know that part of me, but I had to stop to ask myself why that was so important. I realized that I wanted people to know I was good. When I heard people sing and/or talk about their past choir/worship/musical theat...