Along for the RIde

I am coming to life and dying at the same time. I fell asleep when the trees were pink and red — new and vibrant.  I wake up and the leaves are yellow and orange — seasoned and pure.  What happened while my eyes were closed? I am coming to life and dying at the same time. While my eyes were closed, my body, mind, and spirit were learning how to die. They weren’t dying, they were learning how to die. Now that I am awake, they are dying. I am ready to come to life, which also means I am ready to di e I am coming to life and dying at the same time. Moments ago I heard, “Let the acorn go,”  Words resonating deep within my spirit.  It shook me to my core. It shook me so fiercely; I am still recovering. In some ways, I am still shaken. I am coming to life and dying at the same time. It is Fall. The leaves have changed—they are changing still. The leaves are falling —falling to the ground. With the fall of the soft leaves...

This blog post is obviously a long time coming. I haven’t written since January. This blog has a very different tone than the hopeful 24 year old you all saw as I started this new year. My life was very different then. I have so much to include, but I obviously can’t include it all. This is a deep theological reflection based on where I am in life right now, so most of the detail life event things come in list form towards the end of the blog. A couple things: 1) I’m sorry I did not write about my spring semester. It was the best yet, the best few months of my life actually, and someday I will have the strength to revisit that joy, but I do not have the strength to tell you those stories right now. 2) It is difficult to admit to a time of being in a depressive episode so shortly after leaving a position of prominent leadership, but it is also important to do so because my depression will go with me wherever I end up pastoring and it does not diminish my call or the effectiveness o...

It’s weird to think about, but this time last year I was in virtually the same place in my life. How that happens, I do not know. I do, however, feel like God is saying, “That was a test run; now it is time for the real thing.” This time last year, I was confused about ordination, knowing I needed to make decisions, and I needed to make them quickly. This time last year, I knew I wanted to be dating. I wanted to begin to know who I was within the context of partnership and I wanted to begin to know what I actually wanted in a relationship. I wanted to go on dates and see what would happen, with, of course, the ultimate goal being that I was eventually seeking a relationship that would challenge me, change me, and hopefully grow into something beautiful and lasting. This time last year I was letting go of my family; I was learning how to not be so responsible for everything that happens at home. This time last year, I was itching to get into my next semester of seminary and learn m...